**An expanded version of this list is now running on The Huffington Post. Go there to check out names 18, 19, and 20!**
Gone are the classics Tom, Dick, and Harry for boys, and so long to Desiree, Summer, and Brittttaniiii for girls. The first half of 2018 has been an exciting and adventurous one for new baby names as parents everywhere are looking to their pantries, driveways, and TV screens for help deciding what to call their precious newborns.
Thanks to a shady back room deal, I have recently procured a list of 2018 baby names from the U.S. Census Bureau. Here are 17 of the most popular so far, right now, in 2018!
SouthEast
By now, North West has already starred in two reality shows and saw her debut album reach #1 on the Billboard music charts. It’s high time for the backlash and this contrarian directional name is just one way parents are taking a stand against Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s wonderkid.
Kia
Thanks to a groundbreaking, albeit highly controversial, marketing scheme, parents across the country are naming their girls Kia and then flooding dealerships to take advantage of Kia’s $5000 cash back offer with a valid birth certificate.
KiaRio
See above, but add an extra $1250 cash allowance on any new 2018 Kia Rio.
Kale
Proving that you are what you eat, the still-trendy leafy green has officially made the transition from plate to playpen this year.
Acai
The wonder berry popular with folk festival attendees and Whole Foods shoppers is the IT name for young girls this year, even though no one is sure how to pronounce it.
Detroit
Forget those Colorado towns — Aspen, Denver, Breckenridge — the motor city moniker is rolling off hospital production lines in record numbers this year. Detroit is officially back, baby!
Quinoa
Yet another hip, oft-mispronounced food is popular for newborn girls who will never get to experience the joy of finding their name on a rack of personalized magnets at a single zoo gift shop. Although strolling the rice aisle of their local grocery store will bring a lifetime of cheap thrills.
Ivy & Bean & Clementine
Having finally surpassing those hideous Color-licious books for kids, the terrific series of early-grade chapter books by Annie Barrows and Sara Pennypacker, respectively, (both of which will be made into movies later this year,) are at now home on the bookshelf and in the nursery.
Bryce
Chicks, and soon-to-be new parents it seems, love the long ball so it comes as no surprise that the Washington Nationals gritty outfielder’s name is being borrowed for both girls and boys. Some diehard fans are also using Harper as the middle name, but that’s awfully tacky.
Aquamarine
Blue was so 2012.
Nerlens
Another name from the sports page has cracked the list thanks to multiple NBA Championships the Gumby-haired big man has brought home for the Philadelphia 76ers. Hey, a Philly guy can dream, right?
Lilith, Sam, Woody & Coach
NBC’s Cheers re-boot is so popular that four of the character’s names are proving big winners for new babies in 2018.
Next year’s planned Seinfeld remake could land Kramer and Newman on the 2019 version of this list!
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