That’s it. I’m canceling Easter because my kids haven’t been eating their fruits and veggies lately. This’ll teach ’em. We’re going to make green bean casseroles and carrot soup and deliver them to homeless shelters as a lesson in what it means to eat healthy. Anderson Cooper, gimme a ring to discuss.
Of course, I have been too busy all year long raising my social media profile, massaging my KLOUT score, and writing click-bait blog posts to put well-balanced meals on the table, but little Jimmy is 5 years old now!! He should know better than to sneak leftover Halloween candy into his bedroom like I do. Every night. I so don’t have the time to peel and cut carrot sticks or make celery & peanut butter boats for my kids’ school lunches because of morning yoga. My kids could easily trade their Lunchables for fruit and fresh vegetables if they were more responsible and thoughtful. But they’re not! So they are writing the Easter Bunny to ask her to give their chocolates and marshmallow peeps to other children who have been eating their peas and bananas.
There was a chocolate incident recently that really ruffled my feathers. The Oldest actually asked for a second cookie at the mall food court last weekend! She hadn’t even touched her applesauce and she didn’t even say please?! This is why I am canceling Easter.
UPDATE
I’m not writing about our family canceling Easter for page views on my blog post about canceling Eater. The kind of attention blog posts about canceling Easter get are not fun. I should know because I am the one who has written a blog post about canceling Easter.
*Clearly this is satire, folks. I am poking fun at the poor writing, lack of self-reflection, and the rather obnoxious either/or scenario painted by a mom blogger who is canceling Christmas over her young kids’ entitlement issues. I’m not linking to it here. If you have the interest in giving her another page view, you can easily Google the blog post I am referencing.
