…I mean, for reasons other than the fact that I’m a guy who appears to be breastfeeding an African American baby?
World Breastfeeding Week may, technically speaking, have come to a close a couple of days ago but it’s not like babies aren’t still latching on and, I reckon, despite advancements in human brain capabilities, nursing moms are still being shown the door to the restroom. Fuck that.
I was moved by the many powerful images and countless well-written posts this week to publicly express my support for the most basic and beautiful of human functions — a mother’s ability to feed her child. Too many people, dudes mostly, old white dudes, a demographic which, frankly, is (and has been) responsible for most all of the world’s problems and should have no platform for expressing their ill-formed, illogical viewpoints on a woman’s right to feed her child in clean and comfortable environs, still take umbrage with the site of a side boob or upper boob — the inches of female flesh possibly visible while a baby nurses. These same guys probably surf porn websites for hours a day and get chubbies when a new celeb bikini pic emerges, but a baby eating, THAT is apparently too much for them to handle. So I propose a deal for all of those who are uncomfortable with the sight of a mom feeding her babe, a truce of sorts, on behalf of all sane and rational humans — we’ll listen intently to your views on breastfeeding when you do all of the following:
- STOP GETTING DRUNK IN PUBLIC. We’re all extremely uncomfortable watching you throw down beers at the restaurant, in the hotel lobby, at the ballgame, and on the street. Please cover up when pounding your beers from now on.
- STOP SMOKING IN PUBLIC. There may be a fire hazard issue, but it is the chance we’ll have to take to have you drape a towel over your face when smoking cigarettes. The sight, let alone the smell, is revolting. Please feel free to make use of a nasty public bathroom stall to kill yourself with cancer sticks if it is too hot under the blankie.
- STOP EATING IN PUBLIC. Seriously, have you ever watched yourself eat? Yuck, dude. So yeah, this is a biggie, and may require a big ol’ blanket to shield our eyes from your entire family stuffing your faces around Olive Garden’s never ending pasta bowls. Also, as with smoking, feel free to take your bowl into the toilet so we don’t have to see you slurping up Alfredo sauce.
- PUT AWAY YOUR STOMACH. Can we talk now about your flabby gut? The excess bit of stomach-bottom that you for some reason willingly allow to spill over your jeans? Safety pin a burp cloth to the front of your shirt and cover that shit up. It’s grossing us out.
- JUST STOP WITH THE ARMPIT HAIR. Ack, there’s simply too much armpit hair blowing in the wind while you rock those sleeveless tees. You could pony up a few cents more for a shirt that comes with sleeves or, if you prefer, just saunter about town with a pair of blankets over your arms so we don’t have to bare witness to your under arm manscaping.
Make all that stop and then share your opinion about a baby being fed. k?
There was other great content on breastfeeding from other dads this week too, including Daddy’s Grounded on Open-Air Breastfeeding and Aaron Gouveia for TIME on 7 things worse than a baby nursing at a restaurant.
One Comment