Parenting Blog

The Birds and The Bees and Swimming Trophies

Let me start by admitting that I am not 100% certain I know where babies come from. Not exactly. I understand that there’s the one thing that goes into the other thing, and there’s some swimming involved. I’m unclear at this time whether this is a freestyle swim, some kind of medley, or a relay team event. Eventually, from what I’ve been told, there is a victor in this competition and he wins an egg shaped trophy. And possibly some fertilizer? That part’s always been a bit confusing — seems a totally random prize for a swim meet. Right? Although I guess he could have a nice sized yard to maintain when not in the pool. I dunno.

And then there’s some kind of bungee cord. Crying. Black poop. Burp cloths. Kisses. Hugs. Batman. LEGO. Batman LEGO. Pimples. And so on.

It’s nearly time for us to have this kind of talk with the Bear. She’s rapidly approaching double digits and is starting to poke around about poking around. And so soon will crumble the first protective wall of childhood imagination. Next’ll come Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the fact that we pay a yearly membership to make Amazon ship our stuff so quickly, and that there’s no ham in hamburgers. Nothing left but taxes and death after that. Innocence gone like the bunny in a magician’s hat.

Oh wait, the bunny comes out of the hat. Yikes, this is gonna get awkward.

I’m not ready for anything.


The Bear’s first kiss, moments after her birth.

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