In theory, this was going to be as easy as Sunday morning. I’d uninstall some apps, go grey for a day, back up and delete all those b-roll selfies and the gigabyte-wasting bizarre videos of feet and nostrils taken by my daughters, and I’d keep my gorgeous lilac purple S9+ […]
It’s like a child scooping up fresh cold water from a creek only to lose more than half their prize through the gaps they cannot help from appearing while squeezing with everything they’ve got. It’s never enough. There’s just no way to have it all. It was maybe 10 nights […]
There’s something about going 78 miles per hour on the turnpike that pushes America’s turn toward a fascist kleptocracy into focus. The sky is so lovely with perfect puffs of well-defined white in the shape of bunnies, dragons, and a barn set atop a sea of maternity ward baby blue. […]
At one point they didn’t exist and then poof, suddenly smartphones were a thing. A thing we all suddenly had in our purses, pockets and palms. That was like, what, a dozen years ago? A blink of the eye, really. So smartphones are basically tweens and sometimes we don’t have […]
A XXXL guy bopping up and down on a riding mower — yeah, no. I never liked the optics of that scene, so I never painted it. Instead, I’d walk behind a push mower with a modest 21” cutting width, going back and forth and forth and back every 5-7 […]
There’s a helicopter museum near our house. I’m sure it’s lovely. I dunno, I’ve never been. In the early days of my life as a stay-at-home dad a decade ago, that museum was something of a punchline in jokes volleyed between my wife and me. She’d wind me up with […]
Ten is 99.44% pure. Ten is clean-as-a-whistle knock knock jokes on repeat and dirt beneath fingernails with hands in cookie jars. Ten is clean but needs to get cleaner every night to remove the smell of ten. Eleven, thus far, a few weeks in, isn’t offering much relief from that […]
Rickety knees have relegated the scaling of tall buildings to fantasyland for me; leaping those same skyscrapers in a single bound, what with that degenerative lower back and all, is, at this point in life, an even worse idea. I may not have actual superpowers like Elastigirl, or even in […]
