You’ll Never Guess The Reason The Pediatrician Gave My Daughter For Getting The Flu Mist Vaccine

Posted by Jeff on October 24, 2014 at 10:51 am

We were there for the perrenial-6-months-late annual check-up for my oldest girl, the Bear, age 10. What? We forgot to schedule it around her March birthday one year and are, thanks to insurance company policy, doomed to be forever off-schedule. The Mouse, age 7, was there too of course, a bystander. No shots. No looksee in her ears. We’d come straight from school thanks to the Mrs. securing a prime late afternoon slot on our favorite pediatrician’s calendar. At the end of the heartbeat, cough, tapped knee, blood pressure, weighing protocol, the Bear was offered the flu mist vaccine. Yes, please. In a surprisingly efficient twist, the Mouse was afforded the chance to receive her flu mist vaccine too. Yes, pl…but wait, she was cowering in fear…of mist? It’s not a shot, darling, just some moist fog up your nosey nose. Easy peasy. Who wants a sticker?! Right here is where this simple story takes a frustrating turn. The doctor attempts to convince Mouse to get the flu mist by saying, and I fucking quote word for word: “You know why you should get the flu mist, sweetie? Because all the boys at school will think you’re cute.” And that’s when I decked him.

Not really, but I’d be lying if I said the primal side of me wouldn’t have liked to haul off and floor the old man. At hearing those words, “because all the boys at school with think you’re cute,” the Bear’s eyes got wider than all-night-diner pancakes and her mouth opened as if to say, “did he just fucking say that? he didn’t just fucking say that, right?” Yes, kiddo, he did and I didn’t say anything in response. And THAT might be the worst part of all. Do my girls have a dad who won’t stand up for bullshit like that from old men who feel a girl’s chief purpose in life is to make themselves “cute” for boys? Could that be what the Bear and Mouse think of me for not at least offering up a smart ass / whip smart retort to the reason the pediatrician gave my daughter for getting the flu mist vaccine? I wouldn’t blame them for a minute because I didn’t do what I encourage them to do when they witness or hear injustice or bullying in their circles: speak the F up. Queue feelings of fraudulence. I have failed them.

This morning, an email survey came to rate the office visit with the pediatrician. I’ll express my opinion there, in the most modern slacktivist way imaginable which isn’t NOTHING but writing a few dozen words in a cold faceless text box won’t help to vanquish the dense mist of failure dripping from me today.