Parenting Blog

Wet And Dry And Fly Away to Dad 2.0 with the #LetsTalkBums Haiku Contest

Cold and Wet. The ebony and ivory of our day. Quick, someone book a studio — let’s record this thing! And lyrically, is there any chance we can work Boba Fett, Joan Jett, Four Tet, and “are we there yet?” into it?

Sure, it takes some getting used to, I’m not gonna lie, because for most of us, myself included, it’s been [Present Day Age – 3 = X] years since we’ve felt the cold wet touch of a wipe on our backsides. But such is The Cottonelle Care Routine, and it’s magnificent. And I’m sorry, I didn’t think there’d be math involved either.

Confession time: I’d never used Cottonelle dry toilet paper either before the #LetsTalkBums campaign, but have now, and it is so freakin’ soft! Like wiping your bum WITH a baby’s bum — THAT soft. And when the dry TP is used in concert with a Cottonelle wet wipe, my goodness, you’ll never feel so alive — I’m talking the-hills-are-alive-with-the-cleanliness-of-your-bum kind of alive.

What I’ve discovered, if I can be totally frank with you here, and I think we’ve developed the kind of relationship over the years that allows me to treat this blog as a safe place to share: The wet is getting what would’ve, in the past, been left behind (pun intended.) Because the dry was telling me in no uncertain terms that its work was done. But the dry is a compulsive liar. If you know what I mean.

Not only should you try The Cottonelle Care Routine, you should also try your hand at poetry. One will clean your bum, the other will win you cash and maybe a trip to the Dad 2.0 Summit in New Orleans next year.

Fee-fi-fo-fum Some
One’s gonna have a clean bum
And a NOLA trip
#LetsTalkBums #Haiku

And if all of that doesn’t make you want to fire out a few haiku into the world, like the one I wrote above (only funnier,) then I don’t know what to say. Okay, how about this one more time: a clever, potty-inspired 17 syllables of poetic genius might win you $200 PLUS a chance for a free ride to New Orleans in January 2014 for the Dad 2.0 Summit. Full details and rules can be found on the poetically named

Three dudes — Jason, Ryan, and the international man of mystery known only as @DeadTurkeyBlog — have already punched their ticket with haiku featuring the words “wipe/wipes/wiping,” respectively. The potty gauntlet has officially been thrown, but the lid on this toilet has not been closed. While not necessary to win, there are more ways to conjugate that verb. Just sayin’. Four more semi-finalists will be chosen, each taking home a cool $200 to Amazon. One of those lucky seven will then win that all-expense paid trip to Dad 2.0. Here’s who should want that trip: Simply put, everyone interested in parenthood who also has a digital footprint. What does that mean? A kindie rock band member looking to change minds and win hearts, a blogger with a story to tell who’s just starting out and trying to find a way to turn a fun hobby into a profession, a toy inventor who’d love to connect with some of the internet’s most influential people, a dad who is eager to be seen as a capable parent in the eyes of the media, a brand representative looking to build relationships with storytellers chronicling the life of a modern parent. Basically, just about anyone alive and kicking in the digital age.

Keep the conversation going on the Cottonelle Facebook page and Submit. A. #LetsTalkBums Haiku. Now!\

*I’ve been compensated by Kimberly Clark to participate in this campaign. All opinions expressed above are honest and unbiased, as always.

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