There was little separating the early summer sun and us. Helmets, short sleeve wet suits that would absolutely kill in a comedy sketch back on dry land, tattered orange life vests that’ve been through a few wars at sea, and a lathering of spf 50 that should’ve really been reapplied […]
I asked the question when we were about 4 minutes away from the toy store where the teen works. We were heading there for the start of her 10am – 4pm shift this morning. I wish we had longer to discuss “Leave No Trace” and I wish there was a […]
In theory, this was going to be as easy as Sunday morning. I’d uninstall some apps, go grey for a day, back up and delete all those b-roll selfies and the gigabyte-wasting bizarre videos of feet and nostrils taken by my daughters, and I’d keep my gorgeous lilac purple S9+ […]
The turn missed wasn’t there — a phantom limb. Goddamnit, Google Maps. My own phantom limb wasn’t technically a limb at all, it was a mind still at sea, adrift upon the Gulf, baked by the sun not kissing me back home. My mind rested atop a weary body that […]
There’s something about going 78 miles per hour on the turnpike that pushes America’s turn toward a fascist kleptocracy into focus. The sky is so lovely with perfect puffs of well-defined white in the shape of bunnies, dragons, and a barn set atop a sea of maternity ward baby blue. […]
A XXXL guy bopping up and down on a riding mower — yeah, no. I never liked the optics of that scene, so I never painted it. Instead, I’d walk behind a push mower with a modest 21” cutting width, going back and forth and forth and back every 5-7 […]
There’s a helicopter museum near our house. I’m sure it’s lovely. I dunno, I’ve never been. In the early days of my life as a stay-at-home dad a decade ago, that museum was something of a punchline in jokes volleyed between my wife and me. She’d wind me up with […]
Ten is 99.44% pure. Ten is clean-as-a-whistle knock knock jokes on repeat and dirt beneath fingernails with hands in cookie jars. Ten is clean but needs to get cleaner every night to remove the smell of ten. Eleven, thus far, a few weeks in, isn’t offering much relief from that […]
