Parenting Blog

A Biggest Fear Soars To New Heights

This story is told in partnership with Responsival

There were still hours left on the clock but the boxes had been unwrapped and the stockings emptied of their French vanilla lip balms, fireside scented-candles and fresh fruit. They were rehung by the chimney, with less care now but there they were.

Double dark chocolate and jelly drop cookies were devoured and dishes left soaking in the sink. The holidays were all but over. But, before we went our separate ways – east, west and way down south – into the chilly night, my daughters and their cousins asked if my two older brothers and I would play a sort of ‘how well do you guys know each other’ game.

It’d be quick, they said.

It’d be fun, they assured us.

My brothers are a year apart in age and know each other very well. I’m the baby, by 11 years, and immediately I thought, oh boy, this could be embarrassing and awkward at best, how little I know them and vice versa.

What’s Your Biggest Fear?

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I’m scared of not being able to provide for my kids in the event something happens to me. That’s a common dad fear, I reckon, even for us modern dads who aren’t the breadwinner of their family. I’m sure you too have gotten a few term life insurance quotes.

But the biggest fear I’ve had for the majority of my life has been a crippling fear of heights. This fear is as common as pumpkin pie after Thanksgiving dinner, candy in eggs hidden in the backyard in springtime, and pool parties under the summer sun. I thought that, even if neither brother could name my favorite English football club or identify the bands I’m listening to right now, this quiz question should be a slam dunk for them. And yet, my oldest brother’s guess rattled me on the spot. Years later, it continues to do so.

I shed 70 pounds rather quickly, from December 2016 to April 2017. I did so by not only cutting most carbs and all dairy milk from my diet but also by finding joy in one lick of ice cream, one forkful of cake, a single cookie from my mom’s freezer. I took on board each and every compliment about my new appearance but the sad truth is, I looked far better than I felt. This is because every single thing I’ve eaten during every single day that has followed since has made me fearful of gaining all of it back in a flash. Forget heights, my biggest fear is finding all those pounds I lost.

Impossible? Indeed.

Illogical? Obviously.

And yet the fear is so very real and has soared up higher than my fear of heights could ever have reached. Somehow, I’m more obsessed with my body and concerned over my weight at 242 than 312.

Parenting is hard, writing about parenting being hard is also hard

Chances are, I will likely continue to struggle with this irrational fear with each bite of the sublime tres leches cake at that Mexican joint around the corner from my apartment and don’t even get me started on the pomme frites and European mayo on offer in Greenwich Village, but term life insurance quotes? Nah, I’m all set. I got that scary part of life covered so I am no longer afraid of being able to take care of my daughters in the event something happens to me. Get yourself and your family covered today with Fabric.

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