KNOEBELS AMUSEMENT PARK
Located smack dab in the middle of nowhere, Knoebels (actually in Elysburg, Pennsylvania,) is a gem of an amusement park. The primary draw for us to make the 4 1/2-hour roundtrip journey is the admission cost: $0. Yep, ZERO. No cost to park, no cost to enter, no cost to wander, and no cost to marvel at the wooden coasters, listen to the shrieks of joy coming from every direction, and to dream of an entire meal served on sticks.
Being the sort who doesn’t ride on much, certainly not roller coasters or any of those throw-up inducing thrill rides, I balk at paying $50, $60, or $80 for me to enter a park so that my kids can frolic and be merry. At Knoebels, I pay nothing. And that’s a price point that suits me fine & dandy.
The other huge draw for us to visit Knoebels is the number of kiddie rides for tiny tots as well as older ones not quite ready for the big drops and hard turns of the more grown-up amusements. At Knoebels, there are oodles of safe and gentle thrills to be had for all ages.
The Bear’s favorite thing to do at Knoebels is to ride the swings (photographed at the top), but a close 2nd is driving antique cars in Gasoline Alley. Here, she is at the helm of a straight-out-of-1940’s-London gas powered vehicle. The course is a fair length and travels beneath the big wooden coaster, so if you time it right, you may experience the thrill of having a big bad roller coaster, the Phoenix, zip above and around you. It’s very, very cool! This year was the first the Bear and Mouse rode together, alone. Kids, they grow up so fast. And hey, who’s cutting an onion in here?
Ever since she was very young, say 3 years old, the Mouse has enjoyed the Whip It-style rides, those that are smooth for stretches before slinging you around the corners. She is timid on many amusements but Knoebels has three of these rides, including the bigger Whipper!
Speaking of growing up, the Mouse measured up for the Motorboats and is now able to Captain us around the little river that also goes under a coaster, Kozmo’s Kurves.
I take this photo every year, and it never fails to make me laugh. Located in the gingerbread man play & climbing area — “The first rule of cheese club is don’t climb on top of cheese club.”
A germaphobe’s worst nightmare, a ball pit is always a hit for kids. The Mouse tells us that everything’s looking up even when you’re buried beneath plastic balls at Knoebels.
Pay one price ride wristbands are convenient and inexpensive ($34/$22 without the wooden coasters, $7 more with ’em included), but on weekends, individual ride tickets must be used which is a minor annoyance, to have to manage those, count them out, etc. but saving $4 on each $20 pack at Weis Markets (closest location in Shamokin, PA at the confluence of Routes 61 and 901, a mere 20 minutes from the park) dulls the pain. We spent an entire Saturday, from pre-opening to nightfall, at Knoebels this summer for a grand total of $64 on rides. We packed lunch and water bottles, bought a pickle on a stick for a $1 (I mean, c’mon, it’s a pickle on a freakin’ stick, how could we pass that up?), and ran in and out of the spray of the massive Sklooosh log flume — the Mouse giggling with delight every time she narrowly escaped a complete soaking.
Another park claims to be the happiest place on earth, but with lines that move briskly, prices that please, and shade for miles, few places make us happier than Knoebels Amusement Resort.
Bear rides the last car of Kozmo’s Kurves alone!
Insider Tips for Visiting Knoebels Amusement Resort
- Arrive at least 30 minutes early for a decent parking spot, the chance to redeem your Weis ticket voucher (or to buy them straightaway at full price) without waiting in a long line, like at the little booth just past the Giant Wheel, and time enough to get yourself to the back of the park for little to no lines for the Gasoline Alley’s antique cars, Phoenix coaster, and log flume. And then work your way backwards throughout the day. By the time you are ready to leave, the lines for the Crazy Sub, Tugboat, Hot Air Balloons and more by the front entrance will be minimal.
- The best seat in that brand new for 2013 Crazy Submarine ride is the first row! The clean plane of glass affords great views as the kiddie ride hits its apex!
- There are lockers located throughout the park, to stash your lunch bag and cooler packs until chow-time. No need to carry around a heavy backpack!
- Credit cards won’t be of much use to you inside the park, save for the main ticket office and some of the gift shops. So bring ample cash for funnel cakes, water gun play, carnival games you can’t win but will still try to, laser tag, remote control boats and cars, and more.
Have fun!!