Parenting Blog

Your Southern Hemisphere Deserves Better Underwear

I guess the logical question I need to ask myself now is, how in the hell did I manage to run 600 miles in 2015 in cotton underwear? The moisture, the chaffing, the horror. Trying to put them on now feels like affixing a burlap sack to my, well, you know.

In a way, the fact that I did run that many miles last year with plain, old fashion cotton on my down-belows makes the accomplishment that much more remarkable. Also, speaking of accomplishments, I just found an au natural way to sneak the phrase ‘down-belows’ into a blog post, so I’m kinda on top of the world right now.

And here I thought a fat man running 600 miles in a year was the real highwater mark.

Thankfully I discovered performance boxer briefs before my 7-day, 104-mile hike across England this summer (I’m fairly certain I’d still by lying in a pile of sheep poop sobbing if I had attempted that trek in anything but performance undies) and now, as I begin yet another new physical fitness life, that of a man who runs charity 5K races with his oldest kid, I have discovered my inner Dadlete thanks to Russell Performance Underwear.


Running in long leg performance boxer briefs from Russell is the difference between ending a 5K in a frantic search for a metric ton of baby powder and ending it with a big smile and a sweaty hug from your daughter who managed to not throw up at the 2-mile mark after eating an entire soft pretzel minutes before the start of the St. Jude 5K (rookie mistake). Just to be clear, as rad as the smell of baby powder is, the comfy smile and hug from the kiddo is the better outcome.

What I’m talking about here are legs gliding with ease, everything, ahem, staying in place, and the moisture which commonly collects south of the border being wicked away, leaving your nether regions cool and dry. I mean, I love the rainforests but I don’t that much moisture in my own private southern hemisphere, ya know what I mean? — not at any time let alone while I’m running. I’m also talking about a wide plush waistband that’s like a Dadlete championship belt. My lordy is that comfortable.

I will traverse far fewer miles from now on but I’ll travel each and every one of them in performance underwear. Personally, I’ll never go back to tidy whiteys or flappy boxers (I never could get comfortable in those anyhow), not while running, sleeping, cooking, loafing on the couch watching soccer, apple picking, or anything. I now wear performance underwear 24/7 because I’m a Russell Dadlete even when I’m at my most unathletic.

If the existence of performance underwear is news to you, prepare for your world to never be the same. Find Russell Performance Underwear, both the boxer brief and long leg versions (psst, long leg is totally the way to go!), at Wal-Mart.


*OWTK was provided compensation and a couple pairs of Russell Performance Underwear to facilitate this story. All opinions express above are honest and unbiased, as always. I really do wear these undies all the time now, in fact, I’m wearing them as I type this. So there’s a visual to marinate in your mind all day. You’re welcome. Want to see another Dadlete, a guy with a real dad bod, modeling Russell Performance Underwear? Of course you do — Check out my friend the Amateur Idiot Professional Dad.

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