This post is brought to you by Mott’s and The Motherhood. All opinions are my own.
I mean, who really has time for a shower these days? Amirite, ladies?!
[crickets]
In a pinch, we dads know a damp washcloth and a dab of shower gel tidies up most all the stinky parts. Oh yeah, that’s what we still call ’em ’round here: arm pits, feet, bums, backs of necks hiding beneath flowing locks — stinky parts, all, and forever.
Are these parts clean in a textbook definition sense? Well, no, not exactly, but there are times in the life of a harried parent when ‘passable’ is perfect. That’s an unquestioned parenting truth — I cite the 5-second rule as evidence.
When you’ve forgotten to remind your kids, who’ve forgotten hours earlier because they had a can’t-miss-morning-appointment to destroy the play room, to shower-up before the annual Easter egg hunt at Mom mom and Pop pop’s house, and you’ve now got to be in the car within 15 minutes in order to be on time, and because punctuality is more important to you than being technically clean: it’s damp wash cloth cleaning time as you teach your youngins to ‘shower’ in a few blinks of an eye, on the way out the door. Passing on life-hacks that will pay dividends for decades, just one of the many services I provide.
If being a dad for 11+ years has taught me anything at all it’s that you’ve got to be quick on your feet, your stinky feet, as they were, because things are going to go haywire at unexpected times and how you handle yourself and your kids in those moments will go a long way to defining you as a parent…and determining just how much therapy your kids are going to need in a couple of decades time. Those sessions don’t come cheap, so stay sharp.
Having a sick kid vomit on your face at 2am? Check.
Helping your 5 year old girl pee standing up along a bike path because she couldn’t get her pants down far enough and fast enough to squat behind a bush? Check.
Use a 1:2 egg:milk ratio to make a cheesy scramble for breakfast because you dropped the new dozen on the driveway while unloading the car from the grocery store? Check.
You know what else a great dad does in a pinch? He’ll take a hammer to a few apples and then slurp up the sprayed juice with straws alongside his youngest daughter, because he didn’t buy a new bottle even though it was on his list. Nah, that’s totally gross. For real, I just make sure there’s always a 6-pack of Mott’s Apple Juice in the pantry, in a “Break Glass In Case of Emergency” case. My mouse and I NEED our apple juice. This is non-negotiable.
Whether it’s an emergency supply of Mott’s Apple Juice, a pouch of Mott’s Applesauce in your glove compartment for a mid-drive hungry kid situation, or a damp wash cloth to get clean-ish in a flash, you’ve gotta be ready for anything as a dad. So next time you don’t just go ‘off script’ but ‘oh crap the script is on fire,’ remember that you’ve got this, pop. And when the ash from that fire settles and cools, you’ll have a few rad new anecdotes for your growing story collection.
In the spirit of Mott’s Good & Honest campaign, please share your own story of an improvised parenting & family moment for a shot at winning a $50 gift card and some tasty Mott’s products. Please tell your mini-tale here in the comments before April 17th and for extra entries, do social things with the hashtags #GoodandHonest and #Motts.
Thanks and good luck!
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