Parenting Blog

I Peed Myself So You Don’t Have To — OWTK Helpful Tip #9

This one is for both boys and girls, grown-ups and children alike.

When you find yourself having the same dream, looped throughout the night like an extended #VineAfterDark video, of being at a massive dinner party with friends, family, an overflowing food spread, and a very open bar, and you constantly witness yourself excusing yourself from the table to go pee during this dream, you probably have to pee in, like, you know, real life.

So my advice to you is this: put down the chicken leg, wake the hell up, and go pee before, oh, I dunno, before you pee yourself in your sleep.

No need to thank me, no need at all. But I have peed myself so you never have to. Bed Wetters Unite!

Sweet dreams, y’all!

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  1. Everyone struggles with this. Even Michael Landon.

    On the upside, it made him run REALLY fast.

  2. I don’t know if you’re wanting your bed-wetters club to have an element of exclusivity or not. But if you want more members, you should remove the requirement that the peeing take place in bed. Then you’ll get to include every middle-aged woman and/or woman who delivered a baby…um…through the chute. Seriously. Gotta laugh? Pee your pants. Gotta sneeze? Pee your pants. Gotta cough? Pee your pants. Gotta jump? Pee your pants. Gotta run? Pee your pants.

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