OWTK MOVIE NEWS / Parenting Blog

Not Your Mama’s Lorax

The parting shot on the final page of this, the official The Lorax movie themed doodle book, asks children to “Draw yourself doing something to help the Earth”.

Something like, say, not blowing $6 on a fucking doodle book that Random House didn’t even have the common sense or decency to order printed on recycled paper?  Yeah, that’ll work fine – although I don’t know exactly what that would look like in crayon.  You can’t blame the publisher, really, for opting for standard paper in this oh-so-essential piece of Lorax movie memorabilia because you know, the more sensible (and plot-appropriate) alternative would’ve reduced the profit margin on this gotta-have-it gem from 850% to 835% and we can’t have that, not even for a film from a book that focuses roughly, oh I dunno, 100% of its plot on the greed and excess of overzealous individuals and corporations who take it upon themselves to rape the land and its inhabitants as a means of maximizing ROI.

Oh Christ, the irony is almost too much.

But wait, there’s more!

Other corporate partnerships The Lorax movie has signed on with include IHOP, those bastions of sustainability and quality (Truffula Chip Pancakes, anyone?), and MAZDA, who will be trying to sell you the first ever SUV to [cough] earn the “Truffula Seal of Approval”.  And wait for it…this MAZDA CX-5 SUV isn’t even a Hybrid, which would at least sorta made sense.  The gas-powered vehicle does sport “innovative SKYACTIV® TECHNOLOGY” though, so we’re set.

I’m reminded of a line from Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, when little Cindy Lou Who wakes up in the middle of the night for a glass of water, only to stumble in on the Grinch mid-theft.  She utters the hopeless “Why, Santy Claus, Why?”.  Let’s update that for a new generation, shall we: Why, Lorax, why?

The core idea of The Lorax, the freaking Lorax of all, er, people, being used to sell products is beyond hideous.  We are alive in obnoxious times (to paraphrase rapper Mos Def).

All of this means that the rights holders of The Lorax property think we’re dumber than rocks.  Hell, some of us are.  But even those dullards aren’t stupid enough to buy a car because The Lorax said it was okay, right?  Or belly up to a plate of sprinkle-stuffed shitcakes because they think they’re the answer to the eternal question of UNLESS, right?  You can sign petitions, march in protest, or do whatever else you fancy to voice your displeasure with all of this Lorax business, but the absolute best thing you and your family could ever do is this: DO NOT FALL FOR THIS KIND OF CRAP ANYMORE.  Don’t buy it; literally or figuratively.  Just don’t.  And someday, when our wallets and purses are no longer up for auction in Hollywood or on Madison Avenue, all of this will stop.  Maybe.

Get the original Lorax book from your local library if you don’t already own it and then by all means go see the movie; it’s said to be a lovely piece of celluloid to gaze at.  But the Lorax experience has to end right there at the multiplex. Or else.

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