Parenting Blog

Fantasy Football Is Ruining My Life

Like a former high school star wide receiver who’s never faced adversity then drops a few passes in a key early season game, is seen screaming at his position coach 2 months into his freshman year of college, and turns to selling stolen laptops for beer money 3 months later; I have no idea how to deal with failure.

There is nothing more insufferable then listening to someone bitch about their fantasy football team, I know.  Still, have you seen my ragtag bunch of misfits?  Four games in, I haven’t won and aside from week 1 when a season ending injury to my kicker cost me a chance at victory, I really haven’t been close in any of them.  My opponents have scored an eye-popping 602 points against me!!!  This includes two weekly high-scorers.  It’s been more nightmare than fantasy.

I’ve won this 11-year old competitive league twice, lost in the championship game 5 times, and have only missed the playoffs once!  I’m going out of my mind right now.  Again, I have no context for this kind of failure.

So far this season I’ve spent my Sundays sulking, pouting, yelling, cursing, and being generally despondent.  In short, I have been a major asshole and it’s my fantasy football team’s fault.  My kids don’t even come near me when NFL RedZone is on and my laptop is open.  I wouldn’t seem them approaching anyway, what with my head in my hands and all.

I gave up watching college football this past Saturday – even my beloved Spartans v. the hated Ohio State Buckeyes.  I’m thisclose to skipping a Sunday of NFL too for a day out with the girls.

I’m now trying to make trades that seem slightly idiotic but I’m in ‘win this week’ mode.  Because 1 or 2 more losses and I’ll be officially eliminated from the playoffs and it’s not even Halloween yet.

I’m going to throw up.

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