Parenting Blog

My Children are Squatters

It would be a gross exaggeration to call myself a walking-zombie, a term reserved for, and rightfully so, those with severe and serious sleep maladies…or those with a severe and serious drinking problem. That doesn’t discount my own nighttime issues. Our marital bed is anything but blissful right now and here’s why: The Mouse is ushered into our king sized quarters every night, anywhere between midnight and 3am. The details of those 25 foot (roundtrip) journeys are especially sketchy, but it’s common for her transportation to be, ummm, me. She cries, I react sleepily, and moments later the little turd is cozying up between her parents. But wait! It gets better!! The Bear will then, at a completely unknown point in the evening but always post-Mouse, wander in and wander up on the other side of The Mrs.

My children are, essentially, squatters.

Then there is the cat who insists on occupying the bottom corner of my side of the bed. My 6 foot 4 inch frame curls into a semi-fetal position whilst I wriggle and wrestle for precious real estate. It’s a nocturnal battle I consistently lose. With Mouse on my upper right and Tilly at my bottom left, they effectively high/low me each night. The result is that I, a habitual nighttime flip flopper since childhood, is virtually pegged in place. Worse than any tired vision of monsters or a boogeyman, my sleep situation is a real nightmare.

All this has taught me that I really need my sleep. A rotten 8 hours or so makes it, this I am learning, rather cumbersome to perform my daily tasks at an appreciably normal (for me) level. Once upon a time I could perform my daily duties on little or no sleep, back in my rock-n-roll days in Philly. Nowadays, I spend my time moving, thinking and reacting more slowly than ever all while aching from head to toe thanks to my limited allotment of space in bed. I’m also short-tempered and rather miserable to be around. It’s quite a contrast to the sharp witted and, usually, sharp-minded nature of yours truly.

I always look forward to trips and hotels stays but in these tired times any chance I get to spend a night away from home is cherished. Yeah, I missed the fam, but that 1 night I spent in NYC for the Toy Fair was glorious. A King size bed all to myself…for the whole night!!! Whoa!


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