The week of July 7th, it turns out, is when the big red button was pushed. Somewhere, maybe in a boardroom, or in a committee pre-meeting about the actual meeting but before the follow-up meeting to discuss what was discussed during that very same meeting, or possibly in a sterile, nondescript data processing center. Somewhere the button was pushed and the back to school sales machine began in earnest.
A parent can only assume this was a mutually agreed upon date, that the likes of Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Marky-Mart, Kohl’s, JC Penny’s, Amazon, and Land’s End, along with pretty much every other retailer and brand doing business in America, decided, in unison, that the week of July 7th was high time to begin convincing parents and kids that July isn’t actually about cannonballs, sandy toes, day camps, road trips, and backyard sprinklers, but about buying glue sticks, pencil cases, khakis and new shoes for a school year no child and at least one parent (me) has interest in considering. Plus,
NOBODY SHOULD BE BUYING KHAKIS IN JULY!
It’s a mere two weeks — 2 stinkin’ weeks! — after my kids and many other children have wrapped up their previous year of school, and so I say go to hell, Back to School ‘Season’. Go directly to hell. We’re going to bliss out in summer before we buy a single glue stick or a pair of fucking khakis.