Have you ever been to France? I have had the good fortune to visit the land of baguettes and soft cheeses three times, and I loved every single second of it, especially the roughly 15 seconds at Pont du Gard in Provence where the Bear, then age 2 1/2, dropped trou and pooped in the bushes 500 or so feet above the ground during a family hike. Man, if we only had some Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Wipes then.
I mention France here not as a cheap mechanism to share a humorous poo story, although it does seem appropriate, right?, but to mention bidets. You know, those toilety looking things that weird-out many Americans (myself included, during my first visit to Paris — um, where’s the seat? is that a sink for toddlers?)
Basically, the idea of achieving a cleaner bum through moisture isn’t a revolutionary thing (see: baby wipes) but for some reason we Americans abandon the process once we hit, what, 3 or so? Why? It DOES feel cleaner and more sanitary, and, generally speaking, I think we can all agree those are two lovely adjectives to describe most anything in life, bums included.
Enter, Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Wipes. Used in concert with standard dry TP (hence force known as The Cottonelle Care Routine), the wipes will leave you feeling fresh and clean (or as my wife and Outkast would say: “so fresh and so clean clean”) all day, in a way you likely never considered before. Not to sound like a pusher, but, Try it. You’ll like it. The Cottonelle Care Routine might just raise the bar for what it means to be clean, especially if we dads (and moms) start using it and encouraging our kids to do the same. They will be allowed to grow up in a better world, one where it’s 2nd nature to feel THAT kind of fresh down there. Being a bit of a clean freak myself, I am 100% on board with all of this. The cleaner the better, from our bums on out, that’s what I say! I mean, imagine only cleaning your dishes with a dry towel? Um, yuck. Or attempting to get you car spotlessly shiny without water or any other kind of liquid? Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. So why are we still wiping our bums with dry paper only? It’s like the TP industry has been creatively constipated, and this simple idea took forever to plop out. See what I did there?
There’s nothing to be embarrassed about by talking rears, wiping, toilets, any of it. See, I just spent four paragraphs on these very subjects and I’m not blushing at all. It’s all good. Continue the discussion over on the Cottonelle Facebook page and continue reading this post for the wicked cool Haiku contest!
Now, here comes the amazing bit. How’d ya like to win $200 and a chance to attend the 2014 Dad 2.0 Conference in…NEW ORLEANS! All because you crafted a haiku based on the topics of wiping, cleanliness, bums, Cottonelle, toilet paper, you getting the general vibe here? It’ll be the best 17 syllables of your life. Check out the brilliantly url-named Wiping Poetic contest website for all the details, but here’s what you need to know:
Seven weekly $200 prizes will be awarded for clever haikus plus an Epic Grand Prize of an all-expense paid trip to the Dad 2.0 conference in New Orleans in January 2014. No kidding. It is gonna be epic. There will be karaoke.
Join me and the rest of the Cottonelle Dads for a kick-off Twitter Party hosted by @WhitHonea on Monday, September 30th from 8-9pm ET using the hashtag #LetsTalkBums. We’ll be writing haiku and giving away two (2) $50 gift cards and a grand prize iPad Mini. We’ll also announce the first $200 semifinal winner.
Let me get you started with a haiku of my own, to show you how it’s done:
Cleaner with the cloth
Flush it away down the drain
Fresher bum all day
The #LetsTalkBums Haiku Contest — Official Rules
Contestants will submit their haiku as tweets, using the hashtags #letstalkbums and #haiku. Haiku can be submitted easily from now through Nov. 4th 2013 on the Wiping Poetic website. The bloggers involved in this campaign, myself included, will select a favorite tweet of each week and we’ll announce winners every Monday morning during the 7 week haiku contest. Each weekly winner will receive a $200 Amazon gift card and become a semifinalist eligible for the Grand Prize: an all-expenses-paid trip to Dad 2,014 in New Orleans.*Note: receiving the $200 gift card acknowledges that 1) you are a real person, and 2) you will attend the Dad 2.014 Conference if you win the contest (there will be no cash-equivalent prize). The winner will be chosen at random from the seven semi-finalists on Wednesday, Nov 6.
**A quick Haiku refresher: a simple 17 syllable poem separated into three lines, the 1st and 3rd lines comprise 5 syllables each, and the 2nd line has 7 syllables. Haiku lines on Twitter should broken up with / slashes.**
For example, using my haiku from above:
Cleaner with the cloth / Flush it away down the drain / Fresher bum all day.
And here’s another I already shared on Twitter:
Got it? Good. Now have fun with this and keep it clean (literally and figuratively)