Cussin’ in Context
Musings on Parenting — By Jeff on March 1, 2010 at 2:28 pmDamn!
The Bear’s been saying this choice, common curse word since she was 2. Big deal? Not really, because most importantly to me, she’s been saying it in proper context from the start; after seeing her box of crayons crash to the floor, for example. Kids say some adorable things, but what’s almost always LOAO-funny in a hand-over-the-mouth-glance-at-your-significant-other-in-an-OMG-did-she-just-say-that-sorta-way is when one of our innocent little munchkins casually drops an F-bomb.
I’m no sailor (or David Mamet), but my language ain’t always perty. Being the astute little creatures that they are, the Bear and Mouse pick up on my verbal, um, habits and let some zingers go themselves. I’ve never minded, ’cause 1) I don’t believe words are bad and 2) I see it as a teachable moment, deserving more than a simple “don’t say those bad words”. That’s a lazy ass response. Re: #1, I think people can be bad and there are bad situations when it’s definitely not cool to use certain words (for example, I’ve never cursed in front of my parents – unless you count them reading such words here), but even the nastiest words ever spoken are just a collection of letters that someone, somewhere, at some point decided to find offensive. I don’t assign a good/bad label to, or demonize any word. Words are glorious and all of them serve some purpose.
Pretty cavalier, huh? Maybe, maybe not.
Yesterday, I discovered that my oldest brother and his wife share my belief on this subject. Seems my nephew, their 10-year old son, said FUCK! to himself / at himself after being disappointed with his performance during a basketball game this weekend. A perfectly good use of the word, me thinks. The usage of the word FUCK during an emotional moment, deriding oneself for poor effort or a mistake made is commonplace and, frankly, may even help an individual, regardless of age, deal with such emotions. Letting a hardy F-bomb go after a major screw up feels good, it releases tension and allows for the “moving on” part to commence.
Damnit, as long as the Bear and Mouse continue to use their words (all of them) properly, when the situation merits, I got no beef.
What do you say? Have a problem with a youngster using a “bad” word? More concerned with situation and context? Let me hear it (but please try to keep it clean…for the sake of the children).
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8 Comments
We have a strict rule in the house, and that’s that grown ups are not allowed to talk about the concept of “bad words.” We use the odd F or S around the house, but because we have never drawn attention to it or given them any special status, the kids (5 and 3) have never once echoed them back. Our girls do everything we tell them not to, so the rule has really worked wonders for us.
I have no problem wit hearing anyone use any word, but I know that others do, and I figure our girls have a small idyllic window here where they can be cuss-free before things get real.
Great article, Jeff.
David,
thanks for chiming in…
The idea of not drawing special attention to the words after they come out of your mouth (or theirs) is key, and rather smart. We as adults only manage to make certain words, foods, activities, etc. sexier and more appealing by banning them all together and using words like good/bad to describe ‘em.
I tend to discourage swearing at home, just because I don’t want Kid-O to go to school and do it. His school is small, and kids end up in the principal’s office when they curse.
Also, when I was growing up my mother used to tell me that people would think less of you if you swore or used improper English. I’m not one to care a WHOLE lot about what people think of me, but it seems that stuck with me.
They say you turn into your mother…
Amberly – I think you put my thoughts into words.
I don’t forbid curse words in our house. Like Jeff, if the kids’ say an expletive “appropriately” I don’t say anything generally. Sometimes, I might explain that while it doesn’t bother me, it might bother others.
If my kids starting interjecting expletives into sentences where they don’t belong (similar to what I hear when we are in certain public places), then I would have a problem. Just as I would correct their grammar or ask them to stop saying “like” every other word, I would ask them to drop the expletives.
Gwyneth, I like totally like agree like with you. To simply sprinkle f-bombs adjectives as a way of describing everything is inappropriate, more because it makes you sound like a dunce, then because the word is “bad”.
Damn! I put an apostrophe on “kids”, where it doesn’t belong!
Hah hah. With great power comes great responsibility. It might be a little unfair to arm especially young kids with the most adult words before they are able to understand the complexities of “knowing your audience.” ‘Cause the appreciative audience for a toddler dropping f-bombs is a very special one. Also, I’m guessing that 10-year-old had some emotional release in using the word because he knew it was a word of power – power that comes from an awareness of societal taboos. Do we want to water these words down to the point that they give us no pleasure? And do we want the conversation overheard from those early playdates to sound like Tarantino dialogue? Just pondering….
The genesis of this post is rooted in both the story of my nephew and another story that I didn’t add. One day last week, the Bear came home from school and told me that 2 separate classmates made remarks that HATE and NAKED were both bad words. I found this quite absurd. I tried to imagine parents telling their children that those words, the actual words themselves, are bad. It seems rather lazy to me to tell 6 year old kids that words, especially those that can easily be explained, are bad. Being NAKED in public screaming that you HATE clothing could be considering a bad idea. Maybe that’s what the parents were saying and the kids simply misunderstood. Yeah, that’s probably it.