Finding Joy In The Littlest Things

I’ve been a Stay at Home Dad for 17-months. In that time, I’ve discovered that I enjoy some weird things, things that 18-months ago would have brought me little to no joy.  A 6pm trip to the grocery store, for example, to pick up a pack of pull-ups…”oh, are we out of ‘em…really? I’ll go real quick by myself.  No, No, it’s fine… I’ll go out in the freezing ass cold.  You stay with the kids”. Or maybe a Sunday drive to get muffins or bagels for the girls, alone in the car (and virtually alone on the road – not sure which one I enjoy more!) early on a sunny weekend morning. These stolen moments never fail to please.

Volunteering for mini-runs to, oh, just about anywhere is something I’ve gotten accustom to doing – to WANTING to do.  I’ll pick up the needed item(s) straightaway, then just meander a bit longer, in no real rush to get back.  Walking the aisles of Target has become a much needed respite, a well-lit, consumeristic escape from the laundry, the dishes, the piles of Polly Pockets, and from the children.

And you know what? I don’t feel the slightest bit bad about it.  These little 20-30 minute journeys calm me. They’re the perfect prescription for keeping me sane – and the best part: no co-pay.

My eyes kinda glaze over as I travel up and down the aisles of linens, dish detergent, magazines, tomato sauce and flat-screen TVs. I see the stuff but don’t really see any of it. I have no need for any of it, save for serving as my bizarrely serene landscape. The trips out also give me the tiniest taste of the isolation I grew to cherish as a young man in my early-20’s, living on my own in Philly. I had no girlfriend and talked to very few folks on the phone, just the bands I was working with while MindWalk was still operational. I wasn’t exactly the uni-bomber, but a loner I was, and proud of it.

As any at-home parent knows, being surrounded by kids and their stuff all day is at times glorious and at other times, arduous.  It truly is the hardest job, to be a good parent; to play with, read to, engage your children for hours on end.  Makes my days of breaking terrible 401(k) plan news to the higher-ups at my old client seem like a breeze.  Since we don’t rely on the TV for much in this house – just the occasional DVR-ed episode of Toot & Puddle, Caillou or Olivia – it leaves lots of time for 1-on-1 play and that, my friends, is not my strong suit.  I’ve gotten better at it, for sure, but I still love surfin’ the web, reading books, checking in with my Facebook peeps and writing reviews for OWTK.  Sometimes, I like all that stuff better than playing with Mary Poppins people on the floor with the Mouse.  I no longer feel bad about that statement.

I’m a pretty good Dad.  My kids are healthy, funny, witty and intelligent.  They’re also happy.  And thanks to us running out of pull-ups a couple times a week, so am I.